I got 1%... He got the 99%

Truth be told, is there a word that encompasses the feeling of a knowing numbness? Like you're numb to certain situations or feelings, but there’s a deep knowing of all that you know above. In a sense, it’s like the narrow line between not reacting to what’s inside but also not reaching to the One who walks beside you. You are just in a state of living, breathing, continuing, and walking. You can't stop because the moment you do, the overwhelming weight or burden will take over. You can't push forward because each time you have, disappointment was the answer. So you just stay—stay in the lane of not leaning to the left or the right.

Ain’t it crazy, though, when that’s the goal of the Christian walk? Where you get to the point where the world no longer has its claws in you. You no longer live by the rules of the world. You don't answer to the world any longer. You no longer create or maintain the idols that you used to create. You no longer live, think, or act the way you did when you lived in the world. You now breathe Christ. You give Him the power over your life. You continuously surrender to Him. You seek Him out abundantly. You take joy in Him. You laugh with Him. You give all your problems to Him. You run to Him for everything you have.

I don't know. I guess, in a sense, when you come from a world of chaos, when danger and survival mode are all you know, it’s difficult to accept the fact of being in between, and you wonder what’s keeping you numb. Anywho, accepting the fact that this state is okay... I don't know, honestly. I think my encouragement would be: even if all you can give is 1%, God has the other 99%.