Waiting on the Lord

All this time, I have been thinking about waiting for my situation to change when, no, God was waiting for me to change in the midst of my situation. I have to wonder what God was trying to get at, and finally, after truly letting go and giving up the fight of using my own strength, I trusted the Lord with everything in me.

It wasn't a man that I craved, but the opportunity to serve others. I was looking for the man to serve me as I served others, when, in fact, the Man that serves me is the One in heaven. I was looking for a natural foundation when I didn't have a spiritual foundation to stand on.

God didn't want a repeat in my bloodline.

I kept looking for ways to get out of this pain, out of this furnace. Every time I wanted to get out, He kept me burning. Pain seared across my heart. I realize now, at this point, the faults that were in the generations before me stopped with me. He has now equipped me with not only the experience but also the strength to recognize—recognize identity in others, recognize truth versus deception.

The family I have always wanted, I realize, wasn't natural, but it was the Body of Christ, the true Body of Christ. To serve God with all our heart, soul, and mind, but to also fear the Lord. Not fear the Lord as if whatever we do, we are going to go to hell, but to love Him SO much that being distant or separated from Him is the worst thing that could happen to us. Worse than death, worse than being poor, worse than your worst nightmare.

I know these thoughts are scattered around, but essentially, what I am saying is obedience to God, although painful, has been the best thing that has happened to me and caused me to see how much I really want to experience fellowship HIS way, community HIS way, relationships HIS way, and that is the gift He is giving me.

I have been searching for it for so long, and finally, He has opened the veil.

The Word says those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. Waiting on God made me stronger—strong enough to endure the seasons, strong enough to carry conviction, strong enough to surrender, strong enough to let go of everything that served me in the past.

If you are in a season of just continuous head bumps against the wall, and you truly want to serve the Lord with everything in you, don't give up. He does deliver on His promises. It may not be as fast as we want it, but He does.